Jim Meirose
Welcome to Biblical Walk
Field Detective Gerdulon had been told to begin making stops to distribute his flyers once he’d got roughly halfway across Illinois. By his reckoning, that point lay about five and a half hours ahead of him, and the dash clock said dimly it was a minute after one. There was no way he would get out that far today—around six, he thought. That was a long time, and, it hit him then also, that he had not had lunch, and had been driving since eight. Done. A snack would be nice, but. Where to stop? Yes, a snack would be nice, and also to stretch some, consult his GPS and locate where to stay the night, and; large block lettering appeared sidewise right over a light blue behind big sign big saying this to him fast, but readable:
Life-Size Wax Museum
Biblical Walk
Bringing God’s Word to Life
(this exit – kids eat free)
Whoa. Kids eat free. Maybe stop here? Funny, they all seem maybe yes but maybe not but to say kids eat free food’s there for sure, that’s ‘cause—but, hey, the exit’s coming fast, but but, hey, why did they put the sign right on the exit, there’s no time to decide or not there’s no time to decide it’s right there slow over, the wise thing to do’s take the exit hey, hey, hey; then, decide to believe, ‘cause there’s no time to decide, so—take the exit, says the car, steer me there, I do believe, Lord, I do—ah ah, here; here come the pearly gates brake the downsloping offramp drive down brake hard go slow up who’s that beckoning come drive closer there it is hey, hey, yes—slow, safe, yes.
The Ford throttled back as it left the downramp, as Gerdulon pulled off the gas pedal so as not to overshoot the sudden entrance into the actual site of Biblical Walk, as marked by a sign arrowing him to turn to the left, right then, and immediately—and; the car entered a seemingly vast, but probably small, perfectly flat, parking area. Cars were sparse, meaning quick food service, but meaning shitty or no food if there’s not one single customer—but, just one way to know eh, so; needing to stretch his worn down dead feeling legshins, he parked the car, got out and walked toward the front entrance door of what seemed too small of a building to house something grand enough to warrant a huge sign on the interstate, or a huge parking lot with thousands of spots. Mr. Gerdulon crossed white outlined parking space after space, Lord God, how much paint had they needed to buy to paint all the thousand and one lines. My God—as he finally gained the entranceway walk, he set his eye on the fast approaching door, extended his arm at a rate appropriate to the time to elapse from his now to his arrival at the door—and, in seconds the door opened fast, and Biblical Walk was his for the taking. Hot diggity—he stepping out into a vast slick-floored shine of a lobby, and was struck by the sight of a distant tiny desk, seemingly manned by some smaller being, probably human, but the distance involved made that quite hard to prove—so, he started walking. Three steps in, something soft in the air came over him; it seemed to say, Welcome to Biblical walk—so he kept on. Great to see you—yes, okay, a bright-faced man behind the approaching desk was greeting him, so—Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you. Weather good out there? Mr. Gerdulon stepped out faster to reach the desk, but, Welcome to Biblical Walk. I haven’t been out today yet—Mr. Gerdulon meant to talk no don’t be rude, again—Welcome to Biblical Walk, came from the man—Great to see you, weather good out there? I haven’t been out today yet. So, how was the drive—Mr. Gerdulon went to speak but again the man said, Great to see you. Weather good out there? I haven’t been out today yet——but, so, how was the drive? Where you from? All alone, are we? So, tell me—what moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
Mr. Gerdulon saw his opening and blurted I, well—I saw the sign on I-80 and I—
Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you. Weather good out there?
Uh, yah, yes, pretty good, you know. It’s—
Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you. Weather good out there? I haven’t been out today yet. So, how was the drive?
Crap!
Mr. Gerdulon said nothing, confused, and confused, he—
Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you. Weather good out there? I haven’t been out today yet. So, how was the drive? Where you from?
Mr. Gerdulon just stared, leaned, peered, and realized the man was a robot.
Welcome to Biblical Walk, it droned. Great to see you. Weather good out there? I haven’t been out today yet. So, how was the drive? Where you from?
As Mr. Gerdulon stared, a door opened off to the right, and he turned, but—
All alone, are we? So, tell me—what moves you to visit Biblical Walk today? Welcome to Biblical Walk—
A woman in a bible-themed white robe came up to Mr. Gerdulon, raised her arm, and said, I’m sorry, but—as you can see, our receptionist is a lifelike replica of a human, isn’t he great?
She beamed at Mr. Gerdulon as the man again said, Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you—
Okay, but maybe you should shut him off or adjust him.
Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you. Weather good out there?
Oh yes, we know—he’s malfunctioning—his program’s stuck.
I haven’t been out today yet. So, how was the drive? Where you from?
I’m really sorry about this sir. Perhaps I can help you?
Where you from? All alone, are we? So, tell me—what moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
Just shut him off first. Pull the plug or something.
Welcome to Biblical Walk
We can’t.
So, tell me—what moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
But—pull his plug. Right over there.
Great to see you. Weather good out there?
Just pull it.
It a legal requirement we don’t tamper with him, sir.
So, how was the drive? Where you from?
Legal requirement?
All alone, are we? So, tell me. What moves you to visit—
The contract says we can’t tamper with him.
—Biblical Walk today?
Call the vendor then, and have them come fix him.
Great to see you. Weather good out there?
That’ll cost a lot and—well, times are hard now.
Great to see you. Weather good out there? I haven’t been out today yet.
Why stay open then? This is not the way to greet guests.
We’re not open. Can’t open ‘til he’s fixed.
I haven’t been out today yet. So, how was the drive? Where you from?
What? Why doesn’t the sign on the highway say you’re closed?
All alone, are we? So, tell me. What moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
The sign company charges for that, and it would also take too long.
So, tell me—what moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
By the time they change it we’ll probably be reopened.
So, tell me—what moves you—
And then, we’ll have to change the sign right back.
—to visit Biblical Walk—
So, while we wait for that no one will come.
—today?
Because they’ll think we’re closed, and—
Today?
—and that would be simply terrible.
Today?
So. You see?
Today?
So, tell me—Welcome to Biblical Walk. Great to see you.
But never mind all this. Come on in.
Great to see you. Welcome to Biblical Walk. So, tell me—
Since you’re here, I’ll show you around. Okay?
What moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
No, no—
Okay? Come on, I’ll show you around.
Welcome to Biblical Walk.
Okay?
No!
Mr. Gerdulon turned and rushed back to the entrance—now the exit—no, not listening. No, no, no—no! Welcome to Biblical. He pushed the door open and went out toward the parking lot. Walk. He rushed to his Ford got in and turned the key and—only then did he dare look back. No matter what’s next got to steer. No matter what’s next like, Biblical Walk. Like Welcome to Biblical Walk Bibli-walk. Well come to blibbylo wok. Great to see you, weather good out there? Back up on I-80 now fast faster fastest. I haven’t been out today yet. Keep movin’, says his Irish cop. Nothing to see here. But, so, how was the drive? Move along. Where you from? All alone, are we? Fine no matter what’s next, got to push the pedal, no matter what’s next, got to steer. And oh crap, still hungry. So, tell me.
So, tell me—
So, tell me—
What moves you to visit Biblical Walk today?
About the writer:
Jim Meirose‘s short work has appeared in numerous venues, and his published novels include Le Overgivers au Club de la Résurrection (Mannequin Haus), Understanding Franklin Thompson (JEF pubs), No and Maybe – Maybe and No (Pski’s Porch), and Sunday Dinner with Father Dwyer (Optional books).
Image: Circles in a Circle by Vassily Kandinsky (1866-1944). Oil on canvas. 38.8 x 37.6 inches. 1923. Public domain.
